In between encounters.

Vegar's thoughts...
While Kelly and I may be spot on (or choose another appropriate clichè) for eachother, there is an unfortunate sidepoint which has been mentioned. Distance.
We spent what weeks we have had together as well as we could. But the time apart is what we have the most of, for good or bad.
Mostly I dislike being apart. It is not fun at all. But, we are fortunate to have access to the technology we have. It does make it easier.
So, what´s the secret? Why would we endure all these months apart? We met in January 2005, and we are now in March 2006... Over a year of knowing eachother, and just a few weeks together. Why? How?

The why I believe is easilly answered. We found eachother, and fell in love. Gradually, ofcourse it was not love at first. The first few months we established a friendship which grew into interest which ... Well, developed into something more. For my own part, there were many reasons why I found her so intriguingly attractive as to attempt this long distance relationship.
Chief among them was her will and desire to be close to the Lord. To learn His way and follow His will.
Kelly held a lot of other qualities I sincerely loved too. Many of them qualities I considered critical in a potential wife. And yes; When we started dating it was what any would call a courtship. We did so knowingly to head towards marriage. Not to follow a flimflam feeling we liked but didn´t want to develop. No, we wanted to see how it could go. If we could be "the" pair.
So, the basic stuff was all there. Intent to form a lasting relationship. Compability in issues like central ideals and faith, multiculturalism, as well as -well you may laugh- 'lust' for healthy culinary adventures. Now, basic stuff as well as a feelgood crush or even love is great. But it does not solve the "how". How to stick together? How to make it work in a long distance relationship?

How?
Well, first off let´s have a look at what Hollywood and statistics tells us about this. Marriage, statistically, is a gamble. Around 50% of couples who get married are divorced. Statistically speaking, it is a bit like playing russian roulette. Only, you don´t normally end up in a coffin for marrying.
What does Hollywood and popula culture tell us? Well, the hippy ideas have not left us completely. "Free love" was then, and is now pretty central. Look to Seinfeld for instance. Decent enough, but with sexual looseness here and there. Sex and the City is extreme in that area. And very few movies from Hollywood spreads a message which does not encourage a loose sexual life. It´s view on romance and love is flimsy as well. "If it feels good, do it" remains an ideal heavily fronted by the entertainment business. You are supposed to find love, and then be in love forever. It´s supposed to come and stay without you having to do much for it at all.
Love does not work that way. Or, let me rephrase; Love does not work, if you approach it that way. Because love - my friends - is a lot of work. It requires devotion. It requires dedication. But it is rewarding if you give it that. If you work with it, like a garden, it becomes beautiful. If you do nothing it won´t remain very lovely at all.

More practically, what do Kelly and I do?
Well, there´s letters of course. Though there have been few of those. And a daily phonecall or two. Made cheap as free by our friendly IP-telephone companies. E-mails and such work wonders as well. We stay in touch on a daily basis, including eachother in what happens in our day to day lives.
Attempting to the best of our ability to become a part of eachother´s normal life. Romance is important, yes. But more crucial is the stuff that goes on ever day. After all, a relationship is supposed to be a build-up to marriage, right? And a marriage is a LOT more than romance and good feelings. To stand the test of time a marriage needs to be a full unity between two individuals on many more areas than merely the romantic, or physical as idolized by so many these days.
You need to know eachother really well. You need to know more about the other person - more than merely what makes her (or his) heart leap. The "hollywood-ized" love says that romance, or in a lot of movies and TV shows sex is portrayed as everything you need for a good relationship. It is not. It never was either. For a loving relationship to last, you need friendship, romance, openness, honesty, loyalty and I believe patience. Rushing into things is seldom wise.
Building a good basis for our relationship has been important. We spend time together talking, or solving different issues. Like the issue of Kelly´s residence permit, or somewhat less important; The making of crepes which she assisted me in a couple of times. We spend time playing games sometimes, checkers, scrabble, or StarCraft. The distance between us limits us to computer games, but there are many out there to try out, and spend some time doing fun, entertaining things together as well. Which I also consider important in building a friendship.