In between encounters.
Vegar's thoughts...
While Kelly and I may be spot on (or choose another appropriate clichè) for eachother, there is an unfortunate sidepoint which has been mentioned. Distance.
We spent what weeks we have had together as well as we could. But the time apart is what we have the most of, for good or bad.
Mostly I dislike being apart. It is not fun at all. But, we are fortunate to have access to the technology we have. It does make it easier.
So, what´s the secret? Why would we endure all these months apart? We met in January 2005, and we are now in March 2006... Over a year of knowing eachother, and just a few weeks together. Why? How?
The why I believe is easilly answered. We found eachother, and fell in love. Gradually, ofcourse it was not love at first. The first few months we established a friendship which grew into interest which ... Well, developed into something more. For my own part, there were many reasons why I found her so intriguingly attractive as to attempt this long distance relationship.
Chief among them was her will and desire to be close to the Lord. To learn His way and follow His will.
Kelly held a lot of other qualities I sincerely loved too. Many of them qualities I considered critical in a potential wife. And yes; When we started dating it was what any would call a courtship. We did so knowingly to head towards marriage. Not to follow a flimflam feeling we liked but didn´t want to develop. No, we wanted to see how it could go. If we could be "the" pair.
So, the basic stuff was all there. Intent to form a lasting relationship. Compability in issues like central ideals and faith, multiculturalism, as well as -well you may laugh- 'lust' for healthy culinary adventures. Now, basic stuff as well as a feelgood crush or even love is great. But it does not solve the "how". How to stick together? How to make it work in a long distance relationship?
How?
Well, first off let´s have a look at what Hollywood and statistics tells us about this. Marriage, statistically, is a gamble. Around 50% of couples who get married are divorced. Statistically speaking, it is a bit like playing russian roulette. Only, you don´t normally end up in a coffin for marrying.
What does Hollywood and popula culture tell us? Well, the hippy ideas have not left us completely. "Free love" was then, and is now pretty central. Look to Seinfeld for instance. Decent enough, but with sexual looseness here and there. Sex and the City is extreme in that area. And very few movies from Hollywood spreads a message which does not encourage a loose sexual life. It´s view on romance and love is flimsy as well. "If it feels good, do it" remains an ideal heavily fronted by the entertainment business. You are supposed to find love, and then be in love forever. It´s supposed to come and stay without you having to do much for it at all.
Love does not work that way. Or, let me rephrase; Love does not work, if you approach it that way. Because love - my friends - is a lot of work. It requires devotion. It requires dedication. But it is rewarding if you give it that. If you work with it, like a garden, it becomes beautiful. If you do nothing it won´t remain very lovely at all.
More practically, what do Kelly and I do?
Well, there´s letters of course. Though there have been few of those. And a daily phonecall or two. Made cheap as free by our friendly IP-telephone companies. E-mails and such work wonders as well. We stay in touch on a daily basis, including eachother in what happens in our day to day lives.
Attempting to the best of our ability to become a part of eachother´s normal life. Romance is important, yes. But more crucial is the stuff that goes on ever day. After all, a relationship is supposed to be a build-up to marriage, right? And a marriage is a LOT more than romance and good feelings. To stand the test of time a marriage needs to be a full unity between two individuals on many more areas than merely the romantic, or physical as idolized by so many these days.
You need to know eachother really well. You need to know more about the other person - more than merely what makes her (or his) heart leap. The "hollywood-ized" love says that romance, or in a lot of movies and TV shows sex is portrayed as everything you need for a good relationship. It is not. It never was either. For a loving relationship to last, you need friendship, romance, openness, honesty, loyalty and I believe patience. Rushing into things is seldom wise.
Building a good basis for our relationship has been important. We spend time together talking, or solving different issues. Like the issue of Kelly´s residence permit, or somewhat less important; The making of crepes which she assisted me in a couple of times. We spend time playing games sometimes, checkers, scrabble, or StarCraft. The distance between us limits us to computer games, but there are many out there to try out, and spend some time doing fun, entertaining things together as well. Which I also consider important in building a friendship.
Friday, March 10, 2006
Tuesday, November 29, 2005
The Awaited Trip
Sitting on the plane, trying to sleep, my mind racing, I thought the flight would never end. It had been four months since I'd seen the man I love. Impatient yet hopeful days filled those months... but then, all at once, I was walking through the terminal, anxious and ready to be in his arms again.
When I spotted him there in the crowd, I hugged him so tightly... never wanting that moment to end.
It was a glorious 7 days in the arms of my Vegar. As we both lack the ability to remember events, for your benefit and ours I want to write out the events that transpired that week. Nothing earth-shattering, but the continued building of a foundation of deep affection and love.
Day 1: November 20
My week started at the airport in Vegar's arms. My parents were to ride to his parents' home by car and he and I would go by train. After they left, we sat and cuddled at the airport for a couple of hours until we departed by train to his house. By this point, I was extremely tired, but enjoyed the train ride and the scenery. The lake looked lovely and the forests were mysteriously silent and untouched.
When we arrived to his hometown, we walked from the train station to his family's home. It was a forty-five minute trek, and we enjoyed the time to talk.
Vegars view
I woke early. I had not been able to sleep, neither much because of a company outing the days before, nor heavily because of my very high anticipation. Kelly was coming! I had set the alarm, but woke before it went off. Kelly was coming! Today!
I donned the clothes I had prepared a week before. They were carefully ironed and prepared for just this day.
I put some finishing touches to my apartment, went over it one more time to make sure it would look alright for when Kelly, with parents, would come to see it a few days later.
It had to look alright.
So, off I went. I practically ran to the road, and grabbed the first taxi I saw. See, there was a slight chance I might not be there in good time if I didn´t hurry. When I had not seen the woman I love for months, the last thing I want to be is late.
It turns out I arrived with plenty of time left. One thing was on my mind, Kelly´s flight. I found the number on the screens and sighed relieved. It had not yet landed.
Anxiously, I paced back and forth in front of the international arrivals until the plane had safely landed, and I knew she could come any minute. Kelly! After months of waiting she would be with me again.
I felt to my dread that sweat was pouring. I was so anxious my sweat poured. I was so afraid I would smell by the time she arrived. So I took off my jacket to better air my armpits.
I was so nervous. How would she like Norway? How would her parents like the apartment I had spent the last weeks fixing up in anticipation of just this time? Though I knew I had nothing to worry about, all these things raced through my head. Slightly muted by one large and immense thought clouding everything else; Kelly! She´s bound to walk through those doors at any time now!
An eternity seemed to pass. Then, when Americans coming through the international arrivals had loudly professed their presence by speaking of how great it was to finally have both feet on the ground my parents arrived. What seemed as an eternity after that I saw Joe and Debra walk through the doors in front of me. The very next split second my eyes were drawn to Kelly.
Suddenly, nothing else existed. The loud Americans talking about whatever and the general hustle and bustle of the airport drowned. I think someone called my name, or spoke to me - but I had and have no idea what was said. People walking by were blurred to my eyes, yet Kelly remained as clear as crystal to my eyes. Suddenly all my worries melted away - my apartment may as well never have existed at all. My clothes could have been rags or the best suit ever made - all that existed was me, and Kelly. Kelly. The woman my eyes had longed to see for what at that point seemed like years. She was there! Right in front of me! Gliding towards me with the steps and special movement which I have identified as her own way of walking. Funny how the most minute detail suddenly got so strong. The glinting in her eyes as she saw me. The huge smile on her lips.
Time was drawn out like a rubber band. Stretched to the point of breaking. Then, when she was in my arms and I could feel her close once again, time soon returned. Too soon.
My hand found hers quickly. Feeling her soft hands again after months apart... Every second of this first encounter was.... Wow!
Honestly, the rest of the days we spent together was very much spent in a daze. I remember very little except every detain of the 20th. A wonderful day which I could describe in meticulate detail given the chance. Yet physical needs present themselves. Right now, sleep presses on and I must heed it´s call for now.
When I spotted him there in the crowd, I hugged him so tightly... never wanting that moment to end.
It was a glorious 7 days in the arms of my Vegar. As we both lack the ability to remember events, for your benefit and ours I want to write out the events that transpired that week. Nothing earth-shattering, but the continued building of a foundation of deep affection and love.
Day 1: November 20
My week started at the airport in Vegar's arms. My parents were to ride to his parents' home by car and he and I would go by train. After they left, we sat and cuddled at the airport for a couple of hours until we departed by train to his house. By this point, I was extremely tired, but enjoyed the train ride and the scenery. The lake looked lovely and the forests were mysteriously silent and untouched.
When we arrived to his hometown, we walked from the train station to his family's home. It was a forty-five minute trek, and we enjoyed the time to talk.
Vegars view
I woke early. I had not been able to sleep, neither much because of a company outing the days before, nor heavily because of my very high anticipation. Kelly was coming! I had set the alarm, but woke before it went off. Kelly was coming! Today!
I donned the clothes I had prepared a week before. They were carefully ironed and prepared for just this day.
I put some finishing touches to my apartment, went over it one more time to make sure it would look alright for when Kelly, with parents, would come to see it a few days later.
It had to look alright.
So, off I went. I practically ran to the road, and grabbed the first taxi I saw. See, there was a slight chance I might not be there in good time if I didn´t hurry. When I had not seen the woman I love for months, the last thing I want to be is late.
It turns out I arrived with plenty of time left. One thing was on my mind, Kelly´s flight. I found the number on the screens and sighed relieved. It had not yet landed.
Anxiously, I paced back and forth in front of the international arrivals until the plane had safely landed, and I knew she could come any minute. Kelly! After months of waiting she would be with me again.
I felt to my dread that sweat was pouring. I was so anxious my sweat poured. I was so afraid I would smell by the time she arrived. So I took off my jacket to better air my armpits.
I was so nervous. How would she like Norway? How would her parents like the apartment I had spent the last weeks fixing up in anticipation of just this time? Though I knew I had nothing to worry about, all these things raced through my head. Slightly muted by one large and immense thought clouding everything else; Kelly! She´s bound to walk through those doors at any time now!
An eternity seemed to pass. Then, when Americans coming through the international arrivals had loudly professed their presence by speaking of how great it was to finally have both feet on the ground my parents arrived. What seemed as an eternity after that I saw Joe and Debra walk through the doors in front of me. The very next split second my eyes were drawn to Kelly.
Suddenly, nothing else existed. The loud Americans talking about whatever and the general hustle and bustle of the airport drowned. I think someone called my name, or spoke to me - but I had and have no idea what was said. People walking by were blurred to my eyes, yet Kelly remained as clear as crystal to my eyes. Suddenly all my worries melted away - my apartment may as well never have existed at all. My clothes could have been rags or the best suit ever made - all that existed was me, and Kelly. Kelly. The woman my eyes had longed to see for what at that point seemed like years. She was there! Right in front of me! Gliding towards me with the steps and special movement which I have identified as her own way of walking. Funny how the most minute detail suddenly got so strong. The glinting in her eyes as she saw me. The huge smile on her lips.
Time was drawn out like a rubber band. Stretched to the point of breaking. Then, when she was in my arms and I could feel her close once again, time soon returned. Too soon.
My hand found hers quickly. Feeling her soft hands again after months apart... Every second of this first encounter was.... Wow!
Honestly, the rest of the days we spent together was very much spent in a daze. I remember very little except every detain of the 20th. A wonderful day which I could describe in meticulate detail given the chance. Yet physical needs present themselves. Right now, sleep presses on and I must heed it´s call for now.
Some Background
We met Sunday, January 9th, 2005 in a Christian singles chat room. We've been growing closer ever since and determined over the summer that we are quite serious about each other. One small detail... Vegar lives in Norway, Kelly lives in Texas. Since the summer, we've been waiting four-month intervals to see each other. A minor frustration as our visits are always worth the wait. Nothing is taken for granted when you only see the person you want to spend your life with a week or two every four months. Every moment, every glance, every new discovery, every single activity become subjects of a beautiful masterpiece we are awaiting to discover. This, the beginning of our last four months of separation, will be a record of the love we share, the joy we're finding, and the Hope upon which we're beginning to build a life-long relationship.
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