Tips on Surviving South of the Arctic Circle

(Disclaimer; Severe exaggeration to be expected. Conditions are not really as described.)

1. How to dig a car out of snow:
a. whine
b. put on gloves (or regret not doing so 15 minutes later)
c. begin shoveling (if you don't have a shovel, i suggest kicking the snow with your UGGs until you seem to make progress)
d. you don't wanna scratch your detailing, so don't use the shovel ON your car if you only have a foot of snow on it. Instead, use a 3 foot long stick that is half thick brush and half ice scraper. In large fatal swoops, brush the piles of snow off of the roof, hood, and windows.
e. scrape the ice
f. now your car's tires WILL be stuck in the snow. Turn the wheel back and forth and slowly move backward and forward until you get unstuck. DO NOT gun the gas with the clutch in (as high school students do when they “peel out.”) This will only cause your tires to spin and get you in even deeper. If you made that mistake before reading this word of caution, have fun pushing it out of the rut by yourself, bucko!
g. pray that no one is driving in the parking lot on the other sides of the piles of snow surrounding your car. With any luck, you should be able to reverse out of your space without any casualties. Which brings us to ...

2. How to avoid collisions:
a. drive slowly
b. never brake going down a hill (hope you learned to downshift!)
c. never stop or brake going up a hill
d. use your lights
e. avoid piles of snow in the road (they shift too much and cause your car to slide. Lots of fun in deserted areas... hazardous on the highway! ;)
f. keep your tires in the ridges where other people's tires have been
g. did i mention, DO NOT BRAKE??

3. How to stay warm:
a. UGGs- exquisitely warm lambskin boots
b. Beaver fur coat- buy vintage and you'll save a heap of money and do a good thing for the environment (think: most winter coats are made of polyester which comes from barrels of oil and ends up doing more long term earth-damage than killing a few beaver which are far from extinct. Furthermore, my beavers died 50 years ago. No new beaver deaths for me... I am just recycling their wigs on my furless body.)
c. Wool sweater- preferably stolen from your husband
d.Wool socks- essential for indoors, or else Crocs.:) (Dont tell vegar i said that)
di.
4. How to annoy pedistrians:
Sludge them!
How? If you hit a pile of snow just right, they will be completely sprayed in a murky (Norwegian word!) thick snow. If you are really lucky, the sides of the road have sludge... spray them!
Why? Why not? They are wearing enough layers so that getting a bit wet won't matter!
Dangers? See number 2.
Avalanche practice!
How? Wipe the snow off your balcony rail.
Why? Lots of snow on the balcony, lots of people beneath... 'nuff said. With so much snow falling off of rooftops, you might as well have a little fun with it! ;0)
Dangers? Just be sure your avalanche isn't too heavy to lift!

Winter. Beautiful AND cozy ^^
...Provided you have the right atire (see above)

5. How to win snowball fights:
Um... I should defer this question to Vegar since he whoops me at them. I think the key is not being a southerner...


-okay. Author change. Snowball fights should be commented upon by snowball marksman extraordinaire, Vegar.
Snowballs are best if the snow and temperature is just right. It needs to be "kram". Slightly warm and "sticky" - or easilly compacted to a size which fits comfortably in your hand. For me that is around the size of a tennis ball. Now, some rookies use gloves when making their snowballs. That is most definitely not the best way. Snow compacts more easilly and forms a better shape when exposed to warm human hands. So forget gloves - though you may want to be wary of frostbite.... So, careful of long fights without gloves.
You want to compress it fairly much, as more weight means more speed, momentum and accuracy. However, in most instances (read; When you are not fighting 'the guys') the purpose is to hit without hurting the target. So it should not be too compact either.
From then on - if you have thrown a water baloon at someone, the technique is fairly similar. Yet with snow you face two significant differences. One, you can throw harder without fearing the ball disintegrating in your hand (at least if you did not compact it using gloves). And two, it is very cold so you do not want to carry them around for long (lest you have gloves). So, put your entire body into the throw. And aim for your victim's lower torso or legs. Again, the goal is not to hurt. And a snowball in the face can be uncomfortable. Painful, if thrown hard enough. However, the torso is normally well protected with significant padding (from thick jackets and such) so feel free to hit that...

"A snowball marksman trains his aim at an unfortunate target...."

So.... Back to the original author; Snowball target extraordinaire; Kelly!

6. How to travel:
With skis on your feet, a baby on your shoulder, and a smile on your face! (If you are Norwegian that is! Otherwise, slipping a bit, taking a bus/train/tram/subway every chance you get and trying to avoid long walks outside!) I have been amazed to see how many Norwegians walk their dogs, ride bikes, run, ski everywhere (in non-snowy months they walk everywhere), and just go out på tur (for long tours/walks/hikes) for the fun of it. brr!